I was unpacking boxes, stumbling on pictures, letters, drawings, and naturally feeling incredibly nostalgic. After a few hours of work (and a few tears) I made it to the kitchen, where several more boxes loomed on the counter. Staring. As if they knew me to be a crazy person...one who thinks its a good idea to unpack everything all in one night. They knew. I couldn't give in. I stared back at the boxes, wondering... "should I really? Once I start on these I won't be able to stop." Just as I was about to pop the first one open, I looked up at my bulletin board and saw a stack of letters, held together by a purple, flowery clip. I immediately stepped away from the boxes and grabbed the letters. As I unclipped the stack of tiny, white envelopes, I put my back against the kitchen wall and slid myself down onto the cold tile. I took the first letter from the top of the stack, unfolded the overly folded notebook paper, and started to read...
Dear Anfernee,
My motiyation was to keep trying. When I grow up I want to run a buisness company or have a job at a business. If it doesnt work out, I want to be a scientist. I always wanted to get straight A's even do I have A's and B's. I hope I get the money to go to college. I also hope I get my degree.
Sincerly,
Anfernee
My heart burned. I folded the notebook paper back just the way I had found it and slid it back in the envelope. I put the letter down and reached for the next one...
(Zarion in front of the 100% wall)
Dear La Zarion,
My big goal is to make all A's. My motiyaytion is to pass every grade in the world. The reason why is because I want to make my mom proud.
Yours Turly,
Zarion
The boxes waiting on the counter didn't matter anymore.
(Taneja with her 100% paper)
Dear Tanjea,
I want to go to college and graduate high school because I want to have a success in life. I am motivated by my mother and father. I felt successful with I got a 100% on my test.
My Love Taneja 4 ever
I managed to crack a smile, thinking of Taneja holding her green marker, signing " My love Taneja 4 ever." My eyes watered, my heart was still burning, and I had a still smile on my face. I leaned my head against the wall and stared at the ceiling fan, spinning and blowing hair across my face. Without looking, I reached down and grabbed the next letter. Arkem.
Dear Arkem,
I was successful when I score good on my test, and if I got a question wrong Ms. Hall would help me so when I get them right or she would explain it to me so I could understand. I feel good when I go to the board. I don't feel shame cause if I miss one Ms. Hall would explain it to me so when I go to college I could remember the answer so that I can pass so I could play for the NBA to be a pro.
Sincerly: Arkem
After reading several more letters I realized that for the first time in days I was living in the present. I was on my kitchen floor, reading letters I had my students write to themselves on the last day of school. I was simply present. Not stressed, not worried. I paused, reached down, and grabbed the last letter. Daryl.
Dear DJ,
I am 11 years old goin to the 6th grade I am tryin to grow up to be a man but I have to finnish school first but my big goal is to make all As for the 6 grade and to finish high school I am goin to college and stay there for about 5 years so I can go to the nba that what I am really goin for. My mom wants me to go to the NBA and that is what I want to do any way, but also college.
Daryl
On the last day of summer school, I had my students write themselves letters describing what motivates them in school, what their big goal is for next year, and/or a time they felt successful in summer school. We practiced addressing envelopes (went through probably 50 in the process!) and then they all wrote themselves letters. I have the letters and will be adding in a little note of my own and then mailing them to each student in the middle of the school year.
These short letters are a glimpse into the hearts and minds of my students. Owning a business, being a scientist, wanting to graduate and go to college... out of the 19 letters that I collected, 17 wrote something about graduating high school and going to college. Completely unprompted. The 2 that didn't write about college talked about wanting to have successful lives and happy families.
My kids (like any other students) have huge dreams. I can't help but think about all the obstacles they are going to face (and already are facing)...that will stand between them and realizing those dreams. Will they have the support, the resources, the drive and motivation to break through, walk over, go around, or crawl under those obstacles? How many times will they get up after being knocked down? How much can an 11-year-old take? Let me tell you one thing... their resilience is nothing short of inspiring. Every one of my students has a story, and they are remarkable. I draw strength from them literally every single day. I guess that is the point of this entry. In honor of my students.
I start teacher workdays tomorrow, and my new students come in next Wednesday for the first day of school. Lots of people ask if I am worried or nervous, especially because this particular class of 8th graders are supposed to be REAL "trouble makers"...whatever that means.
My answer is mixed. I am waiting in anticipation and incredibly excited, but I am not nervous. Mostly because I think of my summer school students. "Mi Haa. Can you call my dad and tell him what we learned today and how good I did?"...."Mi Haa. I wanna go to college, Ma'am. Ain't nothin bout this place I like. I just wanna go to college." ....my kids dreams are too big, too real, too urgent.... I don't have time to be nervous. I don't have time to worry about how every little thing is going to go on my first day. We have work to do. Plain and simple. My kids need 100% of me...my effort, my heart, my mind. I don't want any of myself to be consumed by nerves. For a while there, that was definitely wishful thinking. But, after reading my kids' letters, the nerves disappeared. I am doing this for them.
I think it is pretty obvious that I made an incredible bond with the students I had this summer. The marks they left on my heart will be there forever. Next Wednesday I will start all over again with a fresh group of 8th graders. 90-100 total. All of them have dreams, all of them face their own challenges and have chosen different ways to handle the things that come their way. Every one of those students needs someone to care about them. Someone to show them that they matter. Someone to value their ideas and who they are as growing adults. Someone to relate to even the smallest things, while simultaneously offering a greater perspective.
I guess my biggest hope is that I can be all of those things for all of my students. Sure, it is lofty. Probably naive, optimistic, and overly idealistic too. Fits that overgeneralized description of a first year teacher. You could probably say and think the same thing about our big goal... a 100% pass rate of our end of grade exam (EOG). 100%. I will not stand in front of my class and set a goal lower than 100%. You walk into a room and say "our big goal this year is going to be for 80% of you to pass the EOG in reading and writing"....what about the other 20%??? And how many kids think in their head that they are the other 20%. Not in my class.
Our goal is 100%. Even if we fall short, my kids will go through the entire year feeling and working as a part of that 100%. They will never get the chance to think about falling in that percentage of students who don't pass. They deserve 100%.
I will proudly accept the label of the naive, over-zealous, optimistic, idealistic first year teacher. I smile because my Delta students made me that way, and my Warren students are going to keep me that way.
100%. Simple.
I am not scared to fail, and I want my students to experience that same freedom... hence our class theme....
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
Prayers for courage....something my students already have.
Great stuff, Casie. Keep it up!
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